Another unproductive day..

People say that if you don't open up sometimes you might lose everything you hold so dear.
I'm afraid that if I do open up I will lose more than that, I will lose myself down an unknown dark path without any guidance or someone to reach out.

I guess it's wrong not to do something about it, the question is what to do?
I don't want the easy way, the shortcut. I want the true way.

If I were to tell you the words on my mind right now the only thing that would come out would be
I hate you, I hate this. Somebody help!

Well probably another self pitying post, but all I can do is hope it'll pass.

One thing that's great is that I'm about to start embracing one of my dreams this fall.
To be honest I just want a way out right now. Unfotunately I can't find one, so anybody please do help.

Something that always keeps me going is my determination of changing the wrongs in this world, not to create a perfect world just enough to make it worth wanting to live in. So we'll see how that goes, but that's one of my dreams, probably the biggest one.

QOTD: "Embrace your dreams and whatever happens protect your honor." - Zack Fair
SOTD: Everything - Michael Bublé

It's been a while, I know..

I'm back where I started four years ago, the only difference is my experience of losing the same people again and of course my age.

I always believed that if you really keep on fighting for something or someone you'll get your piece of the cake in the end. Though I'm not at my end yet, it sort of feels like it. Oh well.

Well as the title says - Here Comes Goodbye.. My goodbye that is, not to the world just to everything I've known and held dear.

How nice it would be to be a cloud, no thoughts, no worries and no emotions.

Why does it have to go from good to gone?
Before the lights turn on, yeah and you're left alone.

I don't think I'm going to get to the point so I'll just end here, another day guys.

“Good bye, proud world! I'm going home; Thou art not my friend, and I'm not thine”

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Everything - Lifehouse.

Hiya guys, today I feel rejuvenated!

I was at the beach with some friends the whole day for the first time this year. I've got to tell you guys that it felt so peaceful just flotaing with the waves and hearing the sound of them crashing.

Though at the same time I feel kind of burned out which is very weird since I don't have a work to go to yet..

I may be greedy for saying this but I've got two sides of friends, and I can't exactly say that there are any more pros on one of the sides than on the other. What I know is that these two sides can't co-exist with each other, when I'm with one of the sides they talk behind the other's backs, and the same on the other side. What I'm trying to say is that I want all my friends together not divided into groups.. because when I'm with one of the sides I can't stop thinking about what the other side is thinking about me or what they are doing and vice versa.

I know better one bird in your hand than ten in the forest, but is it so wrong of me to want both?

I've got people telling me everyday that I have to adjust after how the world changes but I've decided to change the world after my needs, and I'm not talking about robbing a bank but just saying that if I've been told earlier in my life that I get something for doing anything and it changes I'm not one of those who just accept that the rules have changed.

Sure call me a idealist but I think that I should stand by my principles even if it seems as stubborness or stupidity in other's eyes.

Well I've got to go to bed not boys and girls.
Quote of the day:
"To Infinity And Beyond!" - Buzz Lightyear

Song of the day - The Face - RyanDan

P.S. OOOOOOOUCH I've burned myself pretty good, look like a human tomato.

Today is the anniversary of my father's death, nine years.

Exactly this day every year I get down, more than usual, today is probably the worst day of them all, but still also a good day.

Don't really know how to explain the feeling, anyways I've got the house all by myself tomorrow and it's going to be kinda nice, the silence, hopefully a sunny day, maybe sit out on the terrace and solve som sudouku.

I've fallen down again, down into a pit of darkness without a shimmer of light, hope or even a way out. You know when everything seems like nothing is going your way, thinking that no one understands.

Yeah I'm wallowing in self-pity.. but I think that today's a day that I'm allowed to do it.
I'll snap out of it pretty soon.. I hope.

I was watching some tributes to Michael Jackson the other day and although I've seen them before, that day it sent shivers down my spine (Good Shivers).

Well I think I shall go to bed now, just want to sleep through the rest of this day.

Song of the day - The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script
And I want also to put in the song that we had at my father's funeral - I hela Världen - Magnus Uggla.

Quote of the day:“Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.” - Anonymous.

Hi guys!

I know it's been a long time since my last post but I didn't feel like doing anything the last month..

But today is a new day and a good day!

I can proudly say that I'm now one of those who have finished Final Fantasy XIII, and boy is the story in that game superb! I just remembered that I made some major faults in my last review on the game, for one I said you use crystarium point when it's Crystogen x)
I also completely forgot to tell you anything about the story.

Well maybe my next review on another game will be better ;)

So finally summer, I'm not a specific season guy I love them all, they all have their pros and cons.
Summer: It's warm and you don't need ten pounds clothes to feel warm xD

Fall/Autumn: The leaves on the trees almost turn gold, it's a pretty nice view, also you get more movie days since it usually rains alot.

Winter: Okay some winters in sweden we don't even get snow but when we do you don't take it for granted, riding a sleigh, building snow-man, igloos and of course snowball fights!

Spring: Not too cold and not too warm, wonderful scents is picked up by the wind, and it's a new year time for changes.

Now I've given you a full review of my season opinions :D

One thing that gets me down though is that it feels like I've lost some people in my life, maybe it's my own fault or it's faults from both parts but whatever the reasons I just hope and wish it'll all work out =D

Well I think I have to go pretty soon, movie night at a friend's place, so it's not all bad!

one thing before I neew to brag a little about my soda quitting, I should probably tell you in advance that I used to drink a lot of soda, but stopped since two months back now :D

had some cavitys at my last dental check-up so it gave me a good reason to make a change in my life.

Well guys got to go now but take care and you will probably hear from me sooner this time =D

Quote of the day:
“I've always believed no matter how many shots I miss, I'm going to make the next one.”
Jonathan Swift.

Song of the day: Rise Against - Prayer Of The Refugee

Hey guys, been some time since my last post.

I can honestly say that I have so much to say yet so little ways to express myself.

Well maybe I'll find a way to express my feelings later, for now

TO BE CONTINUED!

We've all been there, wanting to find that neverland. I guess I've been in that spot for a few weeks now. Not only because I miss the old life also because I've lost my purpose or my way so to speak.
Why am I doing what I'm doing, will anybody notice my mark in history and do I even make a change in the world by being just me.

This all sounds so depressing I know, but I guess you'll just have to get used to it for some time.

Let me tell you guys about my week so far: I've finally begun picking up what I left behind concerning my math, just today I and my geocaching-buddy Simon finished our multi-cache.

So yeah I should be as happy as the next guy, I've got three meals a day, a bed to sleep in, rood over my head but for some reason I don't have a connection to anything in this world...

Well enough of my ranting for tonight, besides I'm guessing the ones who read this are getting tired of me and my complaining x)

Aw well Goodnight guys ;)

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin." - Grace Hansen
Things That Matter - Rascal Flatts

Since I gave you guys some of my thoughts about a game last time. It's now time for my usual boring, serious and complaining self to have a spot in the light.

lately I've been feeling that everything I decide to do just aren't available once I really want it.

Tonight I'm actually going to write the first things that comes to my mind starting now.

I don't want to be here!!
I hate you all!
Grow up, I mean seriously you're both adults and can't even cooperate with each other at the most simplest things.

I am nobody and I don't mean nobody as in not famous or powerful I mean as the guy who just melts in the background of your daily life basis.

I just want a month where things are going my way!
Just a month would make me stronger and let me carry on for at least ten years..

Now doesn't it sound really good to have your own fortress of solitude? Maybe not for most people, a year ago I would've hated being alone. A year ago I had gotten used to the idea of being alone after almost four years of loneliness.

Now these days I can't go without human contact for even 36 hours, I'm starting to wonder if I'm maybe pathetic, relying too much on other humans. Lately I've been feeling such despise, detest and hatred towards those around me... Or maybe I've always had it just never really had my eyes and mind open as much as now.

Sure there are great things in my life which I probably take for granted, but come on after almost ten years of adversity I'm starting to grow tired of it.

Quote - "-I'm hanging out in a graveyard, does that strike as normal behaviour to you?
- Hey I'm here too!
- Yeah, good point."

Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall - Ella Fitzgerald & The Inkspots.

Hiya guys!

Wanted to tell you guys about my thoughts regarding this game.

I need to tell you that after final fantasy seven and eight I've never played any other final fantasy game, that is untill number 13 of this rpg cluster was released.

So at first I was a little against the whole thing about roles, only one summon per character and playing with six different characters. But hey, I guess you just have to adjust that the world won't stay in the same shape for too long not even the gaming world ;)

Now after having played this game for a month (no not 24/7 in a month, I'm talking like some days.) I can easily say that I love the story it has a brilliant concept, amazing well thought drama and addicting story. As I said about the gameplay it's just something I had to adjust to. Sure there are some thing I would like to have different.

Now about the leveling system

Each time you win a battle phase so to speak you'll get a certain amount of Crystarium Points (CP) with these points you'll get to choose different roles which contains different kinds of abilities. For instance - Ravager is the role for those who want to amass a high chain gauge (We'll get to more of that later.) and the commando is the role if you want to keep the chain gauge amassed untill the staggering point has been reached.

Now all charcaters do not have every role that's possible, it would probably be a little too easy then. So you've got find some sort of balance if you wish to take down your foes with some nice tactics and save yourself some time.

Chain Gauge

Every enemy has a staggering point and where there's a stagger point there's a chain gauge.
let's say your enemy has the stagger point at 150% then a good way to reach that is to use one or two ravagers and one commando. Of course you can use three if you'd like but remember the commando keeps the gauge loaded. Otherwise the gauge will sink very fast which could mean if no one attacks before i reaches zero again you would have to amass it again.

Paradigms

A paradigm is a battle team setup if you'd like to call it that. As far as I know you can have six different setups - for instance: Let's say you've only got two characters in your team for the moment, then you need to have different kinds of paradigms. My recommendation is
Paradigm 1 - Commando - Ravager
Paradigm 2 - Commando - Medic
Paradigm 3 - Ravager - Ravager
Paradigm 4 - Synergist - Saboteur

Money

You still use Gil as your currency and to be honest I haven't figured out an easy way to earn plenty of gil so that I can spend it on whatever I'd like, but hey that's kinda what makes this game a challenger ^^

Well folks that's all for today, unfortunately I haven't beat the game yet so I'm off to do that soon!

There is a lot more info about the game but I just don't know what more to tell ya x)

My hands - Leona Lewis

"A small leak can sink a great ship"

I've been called lazy many times in my life, I used to despise being called that. Now that it's a new week I turned over a new leaf, I now see it as a challenge. A challenge to prove something and it's not about me not being lazy, since I am, we all are. No this makes me want to prove that being lazy isn't something you should be afraid of being called.

If you ever get called lazy, here's what I answer from this day on, "Yes I am lazy! something wrong with that? don't I still get my tasks done ?" (Of course this is only usable if you actually get your job done)

Now I was called lazy today for not taking more classes than I do, and this made me change my mind about taking more classes.

Now something I've known for so long yet never really realizing it. Everyday I make over a thousand choices in my brain. Should I eat breakfast, should I wear this today when I go out, Should I tell people around me how I really feel. What I mean is that our choices alters our life.

And here's what I've been feeling blue a lot lately, but just for today it changed, oddly enough a day is all I need to get determined about changing my lifestyle.

I just realized another thing, I haven't told you guys why I write in english when I'm from sweden. You see I have an excellent vocabulary both in english and swedish (First time I actually admit to myself I'm good at something) but I think that english has a better ring to it when it comes to me talking about my feelings.

A week ago I talked to my guidance counsellor about applying to the university, now right away I had an obstacle ahead of me. She told me I didn't have enough points yet. Two weeks ago I had a problem choosing between applying for Archeology or Teaching in english. Five hours ago I began making up a plan of how I'm supposed to get enough points and I even decided which of the two subjects I want to learn more about.

Guess what! I chose both subjects. First archeology and then teaching.

I should probably warn you guys that in my next contribution to this blog will probably be depressing again, but if you want to get to know me that's a part of me you have to live with me untill I'm done with it.

In my other blog that I've shutdown I always wrote my song for the day and a quote too, I'm thinking I should give you guys the same joy!

Devil in me - Kate Voegele

"A small leak can sink a great ship" Benjamin Franklin.

Starring at that white white ceiling, listening to the buzzing sound in the background, seeing the screen turning dark along with the room, watching into darkness as I’m waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark.

The first thing I see is that empty leather armchair..

What am I doing? waking up, getting dressed, eating my breakfast and then filling my days with nothing but time consuming crap!

Lies, deception and betrayal. It’s all part of my daily life routine, I myself decieve people, I’m getting lied to and I’ve been betrayed more times than I can count.

One part of me is that humble, considerate and nice guy that’s always smiling and trying to lighten up the mood. That part of me is in pain.

The other part of me is the one that I don’t show to people that often. The mask is breaking for every day that passes, I’ve been able to keep the charade going but now it’s taking it’s toll on me.

This part is also in pain, beeing stuck between who I approach people as and the one that’s hiding inside of me is the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to me. We’ve all got our demons, but my demons feels as if they’re tearing me apart if I don’t let them out.

Perfection: is a word that explains that the descendant of this object or person is unable to beat it’s predecessor.

"Critics are our friends, they show us our faults." - Benjamin Franklin.

You know the saying laughing on the inside, well I’m crying.